 | |
 "anything you say can and will be used against you..." < These days you can't be too careful, and going friends only seems like wisdom. This also allows me to be more of my authentic self in my writing. If you would like to read me please comment or email. If you are a friend and not a foe I would be delighted to add you. Kel aka Warrior Priest.  |
|
| |
|
Many of the great philosophers, beginning with Plato and Socrates, discussed a theory known today as Dialectic. While there are a number of variations on the theory, the basic model is simple: An idea or belief is proposed (a thesis), and an opposing idea or belief is then argued (antithesis). From that struggle arises not a winner and loser, yet rather a third possibility which incorporates the best of the two opposing theories as well as new and better concepts which arise from the dialog (synthesis). When approaching an argument the parties in dialectic reasoning advocate their beliefs with an understanding that they can gain from learning of the other position, and that a synthesis of the ideas can and will often arise. While I don't get into all this fancy talk with my clients, dialectic reasoning is the basis of the mediation that I do. Parties will come to me certain that their perceptions and positions are the only valid possibilities. After giving each side an opportunity to tell their side, I restate their positions in a way that emphasizes the issues they have in common and giving cues to the possibility of a third path that allows each party to substantially achieve their goals. I try hard not to be the one who creates and speaks out the synthesis idea; my hope is to allow the parties to come to the solution themselves---the result is stronger if they do. Mediation is the new darling of the world court system. In most of civil litigation and increasingly in criminal matters, mediation is strongly encouraged if not ordered by the court. As it grows in popularity it feels "new," however it's actually rooted in the discourse of ancient Greek philosophers and likely goes back further than that. |
|
| |
|
Lawyers have always had a self interest in keeping the law a bit elusive and exclusive. Because the law was changing on a moment by moment basis, the average citizen is hard pressed to keep up. Even lawyers have a hard time, requiring smart lawyers to specialize. The law changes every time the legislature meets and is nuanced daily by sometimes conflicting opinions from various courts. Even for the diligent, keeping up is tough and expensive.  Several major search engine companies, such as Westlaw and Lexus, charge hundreds of dollars a month to lawyers. Yet the law does not belong to lawyers or to Westlaw/Lexus; the law belongs to the people! While technically laws and legal opinions are not copyrighted, finding relevent law and interpreting it by reviewing related cases, has been cost prohibitive for the average citizen. Google to the Rescue: This week Google launched it's free legal research engine, Scholar. While it's still in Beta and improving, it is already better than LoisLaw, the legal research company that I paid a hundred bucks a month to for many years. I actually did day long workshops and classes in law school on the use of Lexus and Westlaw, however Scholar is as intuitive and easy to use as Google. Google's familiar interface is adequate for most searches. It features hyperlinks within legal opinions so you can jump to related cases cited in each opinion, and also links that show subsequent cases and articles that cite the case you're reading. Google Scholar, for the first time on this scale, brings the law to the people. It's about durn time. |
|
| |
|
A story in the news today is that three million dollars worth of bongs were confiscated at a California port. Since it's illegal to import drug paraphenalia, the Chinese shipper had labeled the glass bongs as Christmas ornaments. Sooo, it's illegal to import bongs, which means that all bongs in America have to be made right here in America. WTF? Can we assume that the Bong lobby got this passed to protect the American bong industry? If we can outlaw foreign made bongs, why in the world aren't we preserving American jobs by outlawing other foreign made products? |
|
| |
 Despite a lack of maturity in several areas, I was blessed to drive some incredibly cool cars when I first got my license at age fifteen. I came out one morning, and the asshole bullies down the street had spray painted something mean on the side of my gorgeous classic, a 1953 Olds Holiday Coupe. I cried as if someone had shot my puppy. Dad, disgusted by my show of emotion, grabbed a rag and the gas can from near the lawn mower. Fifteen minutes later the car looked perfect again. He was so unfazed by the offense, that in retrospect I think it was a great learning experience for me: Yes, don't sweat the small stuff, yet beyond that, a lot of what seems like big stuff is really small stuff. |
|
| |
|
My mother was a bit horrified by the several thousand Daddy paid for his coffin. Knowing he was going to die, he went to the funeral home and put together a princely funeral running close to $15,000.00. The thought of spending more than the cost of a good used sports car on a coffin bothered us all, yet what can you say to a dying man? When mama came to realize her time would be cut short as well she bought her coffin on eBay for five hundred bucks---delivery not included. For the next several weeks Mama begged me to take my car to Atlanta, which was three hours away, and pick up the coffin. Over and over I told her, "Mama, there is no way I'm strapping a coffin to my car for a three hour ride on the interstate!" I envisioned having to put a sign on the car saying BOB'S BUDGET FUNERALS just to keep the cops from pulling me over. Eventually she found someone with a pick up to deliver it. Mom lasted longer than we expected, and the coffin, a dark mahogany with gold fittings, sat at the foot of her bed for years. She told us older kids that when she died just to roll her off the bed and into the coffin and be done with it. I have an adopted sister who is thirty years younger than I, and she was a young teen. Mama assured that sister that the coffin was just a bigger than usual blanket box, although I believe my little sis' had her suspicions. Mama died on October 30, 2007. My older sister worked all night long and into the next day installing the lining on the coffin. Mom had chosen and purchased the lining material, yet no one had gotten around to stapling it in. The Divine Karlita and I showed up at dusk on October 31st to help my sister load the coffin into mom's station wagon. The lining looked great, and my older sister was emotionally and physically exhausted. The door we had to take the coffin out of was fifty feet away from the car, so there we were, four adults, struggling and stumbling across the yard with a coffin that was surprisingly heavy. By then trick or treaters were hurriedly walking by the house. The children were too spooked by the spectacle of us to stop and ask for candy. We finally got the coffin loaded into the station wagon. The tail gate had to hang open since the coffin would not quite fit. Though I begged, my sister would not let me hang a sign off the back which said JUST BURIED. |
|
| |
|
In mediation there often occurs an almost magical shift where parties who were deadlocked on issues begin to collaborate to find a solution. Time after time I've begun, and the parties are furious at each other. As they tell their stories it seems that no resolution could be possible. It's all I can do not to move into referee mode. Instead, I employ the secret weapon: three words that diffuse anger: "tell me more." When listening to someone who is furious, the natural response is to get them to calm down, to make them hush. It is counter-intuitive to ask them to go deeper into the story and deeper into their hurt. They don't expect the time and the patience for someone to hear them out. Asking them for more is hard on the room, yet letting the wounded person pull their hurts out of the inside and putting them before the person who they perceive inflicted the wounds often, not always, allows folks to move forward. The hardest trick is letting the other person, the one who is hearing the rant, feel affirmed by the mediator, knowing they will have a fair opportunity to respond. The shift does not happen immediately following the rants of each party. Heated argument might be needed; which can serve the purpose of being sure both parties have an understanding of each other's hurts. The mediator guides rather than thwarts the argument often times breaking in to reframe or restate each party's words. Eventually, perhaps a bit from exhaustion, the parties relent, feeling for the first time in the dispute, heard and validated. They move into a place where solutions can be considered. Non-violent communication does not mean shoving conflict under the rug. Indeed, it's pulling it into the room, giving it full acknowledgment, and then finding a path that leads each one toward peace. |
|
| |
|
My posts this week have been sparse as I've been in extensive training as well as seen a soft launch of my business. I've not commented much either, so CYK! "CYK" has been my family's shorthand for consider yourself kissed for as long as I can remember. It is typically hollered by someone hurriedly exiting or on a call while a loved one is out of town.  .  .  So have an awesome weekend handsome flisties! CYK! Kel |
|
| |
|
Did you know that Vitamin D is not a vitamin? It's a steroid hormone that practically regulates how good you feel. Inadequate amounts of D is associated with Osteoporosis and Osteopenia Diabetes 17 varieties of Cancer (including breast, prostate and colon) Heart disease High blood pressure Obesity Metabolic Syndrome and Diabetes Autoimmune diseases Multiple sclerosis Rheumatoid arthritis Osteoarthritis Bursitis Gout Infertility and PMS Parkinson's Disease Depression and Seasonal Affective Disorder Alzheimer's Disease Chronic fatigue syndrome Fibromyalgia Chronic Pain Periodontal disease Psoriasis Bar none, the best source of D is the sun.  We all need twenty minutes in the sun each day---outside, with as little clothing as possible. That exposure provides 20,000 times the D that the FDA thinks you need. The sun knows best. Taking supplements is a poor substitute. Try it; let me know if you feel better. Now excuse me while I go outside and dance naked for a bit. Read more at: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/dr-fr |
|
| |
|
It's a rare all day thunder storm here in Albuquerque---a perfect opportunity to light the waiting pinon logs in the fireplace and sit back and giggle to happy thoughts like this... |
|
| |
|
It could happen. The Divine Karlita and I are really excited about seeing John and Lyle tomorrow night. Sitting in with these big names will be a local guy or two who are more than able to hold their own in such esteemed company: ABQ Boy Tommy Elskey with Chris Dracup: www.TommyElskes.com ABQ Music Rocks! ( Read more... ) |
|
| |
|
I was up early and sipping coffee in my favorite cafe while our LJ houseguests slept. Here's a couple of Haiku that came to me this morning... . Look! a twitch of leaves, breathing in the taste of wind, seeking flight's wonder . when we capture God--- place God in our handmade cage--- we too are confined. . ©Kel Vick, 2009 |
|
| |
|
At some point I'll do a TGIFK post that's all kissing booth pics. Today, here's just one in a place where a couple can step out of the world and memorialize their love without fear of repercussion. This Friday we celebrate the sweetness and diversity of vintage PDA.  Secret lovers in Germany, 1950's, Photographer unknown  Sonny Stitt and Count Basie (aka Coleman Hawkins) © Terry Cryer, 1956 The legendary Terry Cryer honored me with his express consent to post this. Please check out his website: http://www.terrycryer.com ( Read more... ) |
|
| |
|
Today we celebrate the Divine Karlita's (aka The Manifestress) eighth year of writing here at LiveJournal. In that time she's made 19,616 entries!!! LJ has been a tremendous resource for us as a couple---even though we talk constantly and email each other a dozen or more times a day, I still hear many things for the first time when she posts about it to the LJ world. It's a great insight into what she's thinking---which is always interesting. She's a blessing to me, and I hope she's been a blessing to you. So here's the plan. Karlita LOVES cat/kitten photos. In a comment to her or in a separate post include a cute feline photo---that will have her "Coo"ing and "awe"ing all day long. THANKS!!! HAPPY LJ-VERSARY KARLITA! |
|
| |
|
"I felt as if I were walking with destiny, and that all my past life had been but a preparation for this hour and for this trial." Winston Churchill, age 66  Churchill failed as often as he succeeded. In grade school he was slow, had a lisp and stuttered. Noting that the boy liked to play with tin soldiers, Churchill's dad pushed his son towards the military because of the child's "limited intelligence." When Churchill tried to get into military college he failed the entrance exams twice. Perhaps to his father's astonishment, Churchill began to excel at writing and became a noted news reporter from the front lines. He got into politics, became notorious for demonstrably switching from the conservative side to the liberals, and after WWI lost two elections and fell by the way side for a bit. From 1933 to 1939 he sounded the alarm that Germany was ramping up for another war. This conflicted with reports from British Intelligence, and the politicians scoffed at Churchill's concerns. When Germany invaded Poland in 1939, and then continued on to trample Denmark and Norway, Britain's government fell into panic and collapse. In 1940 King George the VIth appointed Churchill as Prime Minister. At age 66 Churchill fell headlong into greatness. Growing up in a society that glorifies youth, I had a crisis in my mid-forties, thinking I had failed to accomplish the goals I had set for myself in my teens. I thought, crap, Jesus changed the world by age 33; what have I done? The truth is it takes several decades of mistakes to prepare most folks for their season of greatness. My life's research on the methods of doing it the wrong way has succeeded perfectly. I'm proud to be 47. The best is yet to come, and I'm ready. |
|
| |
|
I wanted to take a second and thank each of you who have cheered me on and made suggestions and otherwise supported my new business venture. Lots of good things are falling into place. I can't do it without you.  (Photo © Aetop Ulrike Qu) |
|
| |
|
Imagine. No, don't just imagine. Be. See it. What would your life be like if you could live totally without fear? What if who you are was not contrained by the expectations of those who limit you. If you were certain of the invisible net, would you jump? From how high?  What if you knew, and it was the truth because it IS the truth, that no matter which course of action you chose, that you would come out the winner---better than you ever dreamed.  Could you live full out? Could you embrace the dream? Could you be all you were created to be? go everywhere you were destined to go? love all you were intended to love?  Could you bend the rules? try even when it made no sense? could you see what no one else has ever seen? Today is my third LJ anniversary. Thanks to all who allowed me (and cheered me on) to be the best ME I can be. B'b'b'baby, you ain't seen nothin' yet! |
|
| |
|
Some time ago Karlita and I discovered the work of visionary artist James Jereb and fell in love. You would like him too: http://www.stardreaming.org/about.html Yesterday, from our very secret acquisition place in Santa Fe, we were honored to add this piece of his work to our art collection:  "Lilith" Acrylic on canvas, © 2000 James F. Jereb, All Rights Reserved. Our version of this is the signed artist's proof giclée (a print) on canvas, and it is exquisitely framed. In prints the artist's proof is one he/she has approved as being the perfect standard by which all future prints are to be compared. Often, artist's proofs are not offered for sale, rather they are maintained by the artist or print maker for possible future editions---which makes this an extraordinary find for us. We absolutely love it. |
|
| |
|
and the number one choice? To come see Karlita and I of course! http://www.usatoday.com/travel/deals/in |
|
| |
|
Different folks have different LJ styles. Some just have a handful of real life friends that they banter and giggle with---and comments are reasonably expected from every friend on every post. Others zip around collecting hundreds of friends and don't really read their flist at all. At around 250 friends and communities, I fall in the middle, yet my system is flawed. Each day I'm presented with 120 to 150 new posts. It's really too much, and at best I'm only able to comment on a dozen or so. Even then the LJ time commitment is likely out of balance with other priorities in my real life. Then, of great concern, is the possibility of missing an important post from one of my inner circle of friends---yesterday I went a hundred posts deep before I saw that one of my closest real life friends is in the hospital and extremely ill. It worries me that I might miss posts like that. I could go back to a reading filter with my top twenty favorites (yes, of course you'd be on it), yet I don't want to miss anybody. I also loathe cutting folks. I might trim off some communities... Anyway, I really appreciate you, and if I don't comment on your posts enough to suit you please know my heart is there with you even though the logistics of my LJ style sometimes prevents me from telling you how I feel. |
|
